From Uninspired and Unloved to Inspired and Loved

August 17, 2013 in Self Love by Jill

used with permission from www.mattmason.com.au

used with permission from www.mattmason.com.au

Truthfully the reason there has been a delay in my blog posts is that I have been feeling uninspired myself.

For a week this dragged on, feeling out of sorts, just not my usual self.

One day when out hiking, I was walking alone, ahead of others and enough was enough. Just from the touch of a branch over hanging the path, I unexpectedly surrendered. Tears fell down my cheeks, allowing my misery to be present. I sat under the tree for an unknown amount of time and allowed my emotions to be there; instead of trying to remove them or think logically what the issue was.

Later, after the hike, I sat with my notebook and wrote a letter freely, with no thought, just pen to paper.

In the letter, Dear Life, I realised that I lost all my inspiration to write on my blog as the game had changed. Initially I was writing from my heart, but my thoughts and ego became more prominent. Instead of writing to inspire others to love themselves too, I was now using the blog as a means to gain love through recognition, acceptance and praise.

I realised this was not loving myself; I was seeking it from others to make me feel loved. I stopped writing, hence the delay in the posts.

I thought about the other ways in my life that I gained love outside of myself; to receive love from my parents, my sisters, friends and partner. From simple things like cooking dinner, am I expecting gratitude and praise and therefore love? Or am I cooking a meal unconditionally?

Then I wondered if I performed the same task and did not receive any feedback, would that give me some negative emotion? If the answer is yes, then I realised I am seeking love externally through acceptance, recognition, praise and gratitude. This is not love.

Love, self-love and universal love are unconditional. I don’t have the words here to explain it, but I am going to try the best I can. Self-love is a feeling, a warm buzzing energy that radiates from my chest. It is open, it is free, and it is endless. It is pure and calming. Time slows down and the presence is all that exists. I feel alive, inspired and courageous to follow my intuition. I am love.

Essentially, I came back to my heart where my unconditional love is found and my inspiration to write returned.

My head that was driven by fear, lack and insecurity is now observed, with no attachment. I see my thoughts pass by my mind just like watching the water flow down a stream.

Writing this post, and from now on, I am not looking at the sites statistics or how many people are reading or commenting on the posts. I am writing this post as this is something I love to do – to inspire others to feel the love they have within themselves, and it is here where the beauty and joy of being is found.

used with permission from www.mattmason.com.au

used with permission from www.mattmason.com.au